Emojis in the age of the rona lockdown

😀 Grinning Face
The look you’re able to pull on the first day of lockdown when the daughters who previously said they would never live at home again decide to move back for the four weeks.
😃 Grinning Face with Big Eyes
The look you pull when those same daughters say, “Are you sure it’s okay? You don’t look sure. We don’t have to move in. We can stay in our 6×4 one-room flat.”
😄 Grinning Face with Smiling Eyes
How you feel when they tell you they can pay $100 a week towards food.
😁 Beaming Face with Smiling Eyes
You just realised all the extra people in the house means you don’t have to cook or fill the dishwasher for a month.
😆 Grinning Squinting Face
Your daughter also brought her boyfriend along, and this is the look you reserve for when he tells his jokes.
😅 Grinning Face with Sweat
Everybody’s making jokes about the rona but you can definitely feel a tickle in the back of your throat and your skin is a little sweaty.
😂 Face with Tears of Joy
The tickle in your throat passes and what you thought was a temperature was just the after-effects of a cup of tea, but now you’re sure you’ve got conjunctivitis.
🤣 Rolling on the Floor Laughing
Hysteria that occurs when you discover the danger period for community infection isn’t seven days like you thought, but 14.
☺️ Smiling Face
Everyone in the household has found their own quiet space for a few moments, allowing you to break wind for the first time since the lockdown began.
😊 Smiling Face with Smiling Eyes
How you feel when someone comes unexpectedly into the room after your first fart in peace and immediately blames the dog at your feet.
😇 Smiling Face with Halo
When the smell persists and everyone emerges from their quiet time and it’s now impossible to say with certainty who dropped their guts.
🙂 Slightly Smiling Face
How you look when you realise someone has eaten those salt’n’vinegar chips you bought for yourself.
🙃 Upside-Down Face
What happens inside when you complain about the chips to your wife, and she says the first rule of lockdown is that there is no “mine”, just “ours”.
😉 Winking Face
Reserved for flirtatious conversations over Instagram messages because there’s no time like a lockdown to engage in fantasies that will never eventuate.
😌 Relieved Face
How you feel when you’re informed your flirtatious comments haven’t crossed over into #MeToo territory.
😍 Smiling Face with Heart-Eyes
Bloodshot, misshapen eyes after a heavy night drinking because you’ve confused lockdown for the Christmas holidays.
🥰 Smiling Face with Hearts
“Do I normally have red blotches all over my skin, or do you think this is the rona?”
😘 Face Blowing a Kiss
“Is it safe to have sex yet, or … okay, yeah, let’s just blow kisses.”
😗 Kissing Face
“Is it me or have my lips swollen? Can you just check if that’s one of the symptoms.”
😙 Kissing Face with Smiling Eyes
“I am asking nicely. Please check. I’m sure I read somewhere that it’s one of the first signs.”
😚 Kissing Face with Closed Eyes
“Unless I’m very much mistaken I’m also feeling quite flushed in the face. Grab the thermometer next time you’re in the kitchen, would you?”
😋 Face Savoring Food
“Okay, now I think my tongue has gone pale.”
😛 Face with Tongue
“Grab your phone and check in my throat—hopefully it’s just tonsil stones because seriously, I reckon I’ve got it.”
😝 Squinting Face with Tongue
“I know it’s 14 days since I’ve been anywhere but that courier who brought the beer definitely had something wrong with him.”
😜 Winking Face with Tongue
“Conjunctivitis is one of the symptoms for sure, and now I can’t open my eye.”
🤪 Zany Face
“For fuck’s sake, why is no one taking me seriously! I’m gonna die here and it’ll serve you all right.”
🤨 Face with Raised Eyebrow
That look you pull when the government’s projections don’t quite line up with your own.
🧐 Face with Monocle
How you look when your projections are proved right.
🤓 Nerd Face
When someone asks your opinion on how long we’re likely to stay in lockdown after the initial four weeks.
😎 Smiling Face with Sunglasses
The government says you can have one form of exercise per day so you get all dressed up in your spandex … but just sit outside instead.
😏 Smirking Face
You didn’t think it was going to be possible to smuggle that bag of Fruit Burst into your office unseen … but hey, it was easy.
😒 Unamused Face
You discover the half-eaten second bag in the garage, where your daughter and boyfriend are playing PlayStation.
😕 Confused Face
The family takes a vote on who should go and do a week’s shop at the supermarket, and they pick you because of “risks”.
🙁 Slightly Frowning Face
They weren’t even joking.
☹️ Frowning Face
They give you a shopping list and arm you with bags.
😫 Tired Face
You say you’ve been wrestling with an overwhelming feeling of malaise but no one cares.
😩 Weary Face
It definitely feels like flu but they just add more items to the shopping list.
🥺 Pleading Face
The tickle in your throat is back.
😢 Crying Face
You’re displaying at least four symptoms all of a sudden.
😭 Loudly Crying Face
“Okay I’ll go, but if I never return I want you all to know I didn’t suffer.”
😤 Face with Steam From Nose
How you really feel, all the way to Pak’n’Save, and all the way back.
😡 Pouting Face
“Didn’t they have Barilla pasta?”